Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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