Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
