where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
