No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
she peed on how many people?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
