I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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