why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
