Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
