i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
