We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
