and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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