Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
