We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
