and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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