She's JV to your varsity
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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