the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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