Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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