From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
