Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
