At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
