Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
