sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
