dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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