I love black thongs
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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