Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
