I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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