there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
