capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
