my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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