Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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