so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Randomize
