It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
