drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
