Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
