After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
