you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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