You're so nebulous sometimes
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
