I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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