wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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