Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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