Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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