I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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