I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
