i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
