When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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