While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
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i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
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But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
When are your genitals available?
Randomize