One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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