sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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