There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
