Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize