you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
