So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
