Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Randomize
