if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
we're making bets on your personal life
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
