my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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