I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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