i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
he thought i was a dude.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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