Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
