Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
