I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
