His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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