i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
