Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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