My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
