pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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