the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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