Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
