Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
