do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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