my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
