i'm signing you up for texting rehab
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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