i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
we made out on top of his cat.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize