if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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