DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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