WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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