Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i will never coherently bang her
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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