dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I FOUND THE LEGS
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
