He disabled his match.com account in front of me
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I touched a dick in church today
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
