he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
