I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
