Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
All the doctor said was why
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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