im so drunk with asians
where?
always
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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